Miracles Still Happen!

Last night something happened that 6 weeks ago I really didn't think would be possible...  I'll spare you repeating the details of Zack's injury (you can scroll down to other posts if you've missed what happened to him), but in those initial weeks, I prayed hoping, but honestly, I was struggling to believe it would really happen...  It wasn't a question of whether or not God could heal him quickly, but I also knew that God doesn't always choose to intervene in the natural course of life and I had to come to a place where that was ok too...

I learned that letting go and opening your hand to whatever God has planned is a process... a moment by moment decision, not a one time act...  I learned that when I trust God and believe He is good, no matter what the circumstances look like, it is a much easier place to walk than struggling against what life holds...  Joy is a choice and it will flood into our hearts when we let go and just let God be God... 

I am so thankful that God has chosen to intervene in the natural course of healing and last night Zack played in his first game of his senior year...  If you could have seen the initial wound, you would understand why this is truly a miracle...  (If you want to see it, let me know and we'll text you a photo...  just be prepared though, you'll get an anatomy lesson on the lower part of the leg!)

Thought you might like to see some photos...

Back in his role as one of the captains...

Waiting to go onto the field...  I can't even describe how fast my heart was beating!  There's something so lonely about this picture to me...  It was a hard thing to do, and yet it was something he had to do by himself...  As a mom, I wanted to hug him...  tell him to 'kick butt'...  encourage him... but it was one of those moments where all I could do was watch and pray...

His best friend (who is our goalie) game him a hug when he came onto the field (so did R's younger brother)...  I love those boys!!  It was special to watch his teammates welcome him back!  They are a great group of guys!!

His first big quick...  The inside of his right ankle is where the injury is so it takes the full impact of almost everything...  It looked great after the game though!!

His first foul... the other team was screaming for a Yellow Card... Zack is back!

I was really dreading his first slide tackle!

Zack had great care...  He used wisdom in caring for his injury...  He had a fantastic doctor...  But my greatest thanks is to everyone who prayed for him because ultimately, all of this was in God's hands...  And while I am so thankful to have the blessing and pleasure of watching him play in his senior season, I am even more thankful for all the terrible things that were avoided...  Infection...skin graft...  I could go on and on...  To God be the glory...

And My World Swayed... Literally!

Today was our first follow up visit to see the surgeon since the accident and surgery, last week.  I admit that I had some really…  no REALLY… unreasonable expectations…  I’m not sure what I thought would happen, but it didn’t quite turn out like I wanted…  you know, completely healed, stitches out, Zack playing soccer tomorrow night in the season opener…  (Well…  He is the God of the Impossible!)

But what I saw when they took bandages off pretty much rocked me to the core…  Now I really hate to tell this, but until today, I had not seen Zack’s wound…  Yes, I was in the ER with him, but I either had my eyes closed or my back turned when the doctors were examining him and trying to decide what to do.  You see, I have this sometimes very uncontrollable response to blood… gore… especially when it’s our children…  Not wanting to become the center of attention by fainting in the ER and since I couldn’t offer them any of my non-existent medical expertise, I thought the best plan of action was to keep myself where I could comfort my child (passed out on the floor would not have accomplished that!)…

But today, Scott couldn’t be there, so I knew I had to ‘man-up’ and pay attention to what the doctor had to say…  That meant I had to see what he was talking about…  And oh my goodness…  It was awful…  Part of the cut that runs up his leg is healing well, but down around the ankle…  ugh… I’ll spare you the details…  But my heart broke…

And yet, God had prepared me…  From about 4 a.m. on, I couldn’t really sleep…  I would doze and pray…  I was literally pleading for a good outcome today…  and sometime, in those early hours, that soft, gentle whisper (in my heart) came again…  “Are you just trusting Me for a good outcome in the circumstances, or are you trusting ME?” 

Ouch…  And then it all started to make sense…  God loves us so much He gave His Son for us…  THAT is a love I can trust…  Circumstances may be painful…  they may break my heart…  or my children’s heart…  BUT, if I say I trust God….  If I say He is good…  If I proclaim His love for us…  Then it can’t be dependent on the circumstances, it HAS to be dependent on who He is…

So once again, He made sure I had a place to stand…  And then He let my world rock, well, literally sway a little (talk about whoozy!)…  

I don’t know why today was so hard…  Maybe I’m tired and it’s all catching up to me…  Maybe the fog of last week is finally wearing off…  but it has been the hardest day yet… 

In perspective, it’s silly maybe…  I have my child…  I can laugh with him…  talk to him…  see him…  And he has an injury that will heal…  he’s not going to lose his foot…  or even any mobility… he’ll walk away with a dreadful scar (and as a guy, he’ll be proud of it)…  Even if it requires more treatment, it will still be ok…  But all of that rationale doesn’t change my heartache for right now…  My heart is just not getting the same message as my head…  And for a little while, that’s ok…  But I don’t want to wallow here…

Because the truth is…  the place I chose to stand on is this…  I have an Abba Father who loves me and my family more than I can imagine…  I have years of ‘remembering stones’ where He has shown Himself faithful over and over…  I have story after story of where He took brokenness… heartache… sadness… and literally brought beauty from the ashes…

Great is His faithfulness… His mercies are new every morning…  Tomorrow is a new day!

A Sure Place To Stand... Lessons From Zack's Injury

I’m not sure why I feel led to write this post…  Honestly, I’ve been resisting it for the last couple of days.  I’ve started it and stopped several times, but since I can’t get it out of my heart, I’ll just give in…

Over the summer, I led a small book discussion group using One Thousand Gifts, by Ann Voskamp.  It is a wonderful book and God used it in such a sweet way through the early moments of Zack’s injury.  He literally used it to give us a place to stand in the storm…

When I first arrived at the ER, I had no idea what state I would find Zack in…  I knew by then that there had been very little blood loss, so I really felt like his life was not in danger, but I had no idea what state his leg was in…  And I admit, one my greatest heartaches was thinking he had lost his senior soccer season. 

I guess to some that might seem petty or small compared to the damage that could have been done to his foot.  But I knew how Zack had been looking forward to this since his junior season ended.  And not just Zack, but me too…  Soccer has always been one of our special places of connection…  Scott has given me the blessing of taking him to most of his weekend tournaments…  I take tons of photographs…  It’s just been something special we’ve shared.  I was looking forward to savoring every second of every game and now it looked like it was being ripped away…

Not long after I arrived at the hospital, Scott went out to the waiting room to make a few phone calls… So it was just Zack and I…  Zack looked at me and said, “Well, I guess any hope of making all conference is gone…”  I could feel the tears coming so I turned my back and pretended to do something at my purse to regain my composure…  And at that point, it wasn't just soccer I was worried about...  At that point, we only knew what had happened and what the wound looked like...  In our logical minds, we couldn't see how there could be anything but broken bones and shredded ligaments and tendons...  My heart was breaking over soccer...  but even more, my heart was breaking over what this might mean to a 17 year old foot that has a lot of years to go... 

And that’s when I heard a soft whisper in my heart…  Just a few days before, our book group had finished One Thousand Gifts and one of the parts that made such an impression on me was when she wrote, “What if I opened the clenched hands wide to receive all that is?  A life that receives all of God in this moment?”

The quiet voice asked, “Will you receive this with open hands?”  Every fiber of my being wanted to scream “NOOOOOOOO!”  But in the depths of my soul, I could imagine my hands opening and then peace flooded into the heartache…

I turned back to Zack and I said, “You know the book I just finished with the book club?...”  But then the tears came again and I thought twice about what I was about to say…  Would it sound trite?  Would he feel like I was minimizing his heart ache?  And then he said, “Mom, it’s ok…  what were you going to say?”

I don’t know where the words came from…  they weren’t mine… I didn’t even fully understand them when I spoke them…  The Bible says that God will give us our words when we don’t know what to say…  That is my only explanation…

So I told him about opening our hands to receive this…  I told him about the author’s reminder of Romans 8:32…  “He who did not spare His own Son, but gave Him up for us all – how will He not also, along with Him, graciously give us all things?”  She goes on…  “He gave us Jesus!  Gave Him up for us all.  If we have only one memory, isn’t this one enough?  If God didn’t withhold from us His very own Son, will God withhold anything we need?”

“Zack, I don’t understand why this happened…  It doesn’t take away the grief…  the disappointment…  the sadness…  but that gives us a place to stand in the midst of it all…  We can look at what He did for us when He let Jesus die on the cross and we can trust Him…”

Somehow it doesn’t seem right to share his thoughts at this point, but I was blown away by his ability to look beyond his heartache and see a bigger picture…  He understands that in every situation, eternity is what hangs in the balance…

But it’s only been in the days that have followed that I’ve really begun to understand what I said to him…

The grief over his season has hit me hard…  I know that it’s not lost…  That there’s a good possibility that he’ll get more than half of it in…  But I’m a selfish woman and I wanted it all (how’s that for honest)…  I wanted to suck the life out of every moment…  And I can tell you for certain that Zack did too…

I took some laundry out of the dryer yesterday that was a leftover from before the accident and as I folded it, I realized that it had his soccer jerseys in it…  I’ve never had such a hard time folding 2 shirts in all my life…

But in the midst of the storm…  I have a place to stand…   No matter how much it hurts…  No matter how the emotions batter my soul…  I can experience them all because God did not withhold His very own Son from me…from us…  There is no bigger picture of His love… And there is no greater assurance that I can put all of our hopes and dreams safely into His Son’s nail scarred hands…

Years ago, Scott and I were in a store and saw the amazing photograph by Jean Guichard that I put at the beginning of the post…  I have never forgotten it…  The storm that is raging around the man is CRAZY...  yet he stands with such peace and confidence because he is certain of where he is standing...  That photo left an imprint on my heart because it is such a picture of how I long to live when storms hit...  And it is a picture of who Christ can be for us when we find refuge in Him…  Are you certain of where you're standing?

(Zack is doing so much better...  no real pain...  sleeping and eating better...  Now we're all just waiting and praying for Monday when we see the surgeon and find out if the wound is healing...  if you've been praying, thank you...  Would you keep praying for him that God will supernaturally heal the wound and that a skin graft will not be necessary?  Thank you, thank you!!)

Catapulted...

So how do I begin to tell a story that I feel like I got dropped… really catapulted… into the middle of? It wouldn’t have been story that I would have chosen, had I been given a choice… And yet, I wouldn’t ask to come out of it now (Zack might want to smack me for that one… you’ll understand why in a minute)…

On the surface, it seems like it began yesterday around 1 p.m…. But as I look back on provision after provision, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, it started well before it seemed…

Sometime after 1 yesterday, my cell phone rang… it was the call that every mother dreads, “Sharla, Zack has been in accident.” I know my friend tried to reassure me, but I could tell by the sound of her voice that this wasn’t the usual, ‘go to the hospital and get an x-ray’ kind of accident… Perhaps her words, “the ambulance is on the way” was the obvious give away!

From there she handed the phone to Zack so he could reassure me… “Mom, the bobcat (a 1300 pound piece of landscaping equipment) ran over my foot. I don’t think it’s broken, but I can see bone.”

It’s amazing the number of thoughts that can run through your head in a matter of nanoseconds… Utter confusion… (How does my friend D know? Oh yeah… Zack is on a landscaping job at her house...) Frustration at the utter confusion (Ambulance…why is there an ambulance coming?) Relief… (It’s not broken… how bad can it be?) More confusion… (Bone…. How can you see bone? Ambulance? I’m still not getting the ambulance…) Understanding… (It’s cut really bad…) Sheer terror (How do I get to my child?) Despair (So much of what he’s…truthfully, what we’ve… looked forward to his senior year of high school soccer… co-captain with one of his closest friends… a swirl going down the drain)…

Calls to Scott… where to take him… calls to church… please pray… calls to friends to pray… to work out the logistics of caring for 3 other children… Fear… a band around my insides until one of our pastors prays with me and then peace… sweet peace that passes all understanding… calm in the middle of a storm that I have no idea how big it will be…

I finally make it to the hospital… to Zack… and then I stand back and watch the hand of God… It really started at my friend’s house where the accident happened…

The accident… Zack was at his landscaping job… He realized the bobcat he was operating was in the way of the man he works for (incredible guy… we’ve been so blessed to have Zack and Nick work for him this summer)… He started to back up with it and forgot that a pallet was behind him… he tripped and fell… the bobcat ran up his right leg… a 1300 pound piece of equipment on his leg… somehow he pushed it off… the body is an amazing thing… he didn’t even know he was hurt… he stood up, turned off the bobcat… looked down and realized that he was in trouble… I’ll spare you the details, but suffice it to say that he could see everything on the inside of his right leg from his ankle to about 5 inches up…

Another friend of ours was visiting at the house… I learned today that she went simply because she felt led to go… Even her husband asked her why she was going… She’s a trained nurse… she knew exactly what to do to prevent shock… she took care of him until the ambulance arrived…

Having no clue how serious this was, we asked to have him taken to our local hospital… The EMTs in their great wisdom overrode us and took him to a trauma center downtown…

And ever since that moment, we have spent the last 32+ hours in awe of our great God… 1300 pounds on a leg and not even a cracked bone… a horrible wound that gouged out flesh yet went between 2 ligaments that attach to the ankle… tendons… and cleanly between 2 blood vessels… I don’t even want to think what that could have meant…

The next hours were filled with an amazing nurse who clearly had been given a heart for Zack… She advocated for him… she reassured us… she didn’t just do her job, she served us in such sweet ways… I will never forget what she did for us… There were desperate prayers for wisdom for the doctors, especially when every fiber of my being said that one of their options for treatment was not the right one…

And then a gift… another friend called her brother-in-law who is a plastic surgeon… he agreed to stop by when he finished rounds… he looked at Zack’s wound and just as he started to talk to us, the ER doctor came in to tell us the plan… Dr. B stayed and listened to it all… After the ER doctor left, he confirmed that they had come up with the right plan, the plan he would want if it was his leg… Peace… sweet peace… No… I absolutely DON’T believe in coincidence!!

In the midst of the storm… friends… our church body being the body in the most amazing way… prayers… phone calls… visits… texts… e-mails… I can’t even begin to tell you how all of them have touched us and been the tangible comfort and strength of God through it all…

They did a preliminary cleaning of his wound in the ER and then surgery was planned for today… A sleepless night… but then I have to say that anything that drives you to God’s throne of grace isn’t all bad…

I admit, while I prayed for the impossible, closing the wound with no skin graft… I didn’t really think it was realistic to hope for… But I still prayed… A very wise ministry leader told my dear friend, not too long ago… “Something won’t NOT happen, because I didn’t ask for it…” So I asked (and so did a WHOLE lot of others! Thank you!!)…

And at 9:00 a.m…. just 40 minutes after surgery began… his surgeon came out and said, “we’re done…I was able to close it completely.” The God of the impossible, did the impossible!

Zack will miss some of his soccer season, but not all… In another post, I’ll tell you about a really sweet conversation with him, in the midst of this crazy storm… I’ve never been more proud… I’ve never forgotten what a friend of mine quoted from her husband, “People are like toothpaste, you don’t really know what’s inside until they get squeezed.” Zack got squeezed… We saw his heart and his character… We love the Christ in him that we see growing…

More in the next day or so…  I'll leave you with one of my favorite Max Lucado quotes, from the Great House of God...

"When somone speaks, Jesus hears...  When Jesus hears, thunder falls...  When thunder falls, the world is changed...  All because someone prayed."

I don't understand how prayer works...  or why God chooses to use our prayers...  But I know He does...  I've seen it and experienced it with my own heart and my own eyes!  And I've never been so thankful!

Nuture or Nature?

Warning...  if you have a weak stomach, this might gross you out a little (it did me!!)

Our dinner conversation last night...  (Nick is wrestling these days and ring worm is apparently a big problem among wrestlers..)

Me to my husband...  "Did Nick tell you how he got rid of his latest case of ringworm?" 

Scott...  "No..."

Nick...  "I took a knife, scraped it off and then put Clorox on it." 

(My unspoken thoughts...OUCH!!  Are you CRAZY?  Surely Scott is going to reprimand him and tell him not to do that again...  NOT!)

Scott...  "Why didn't you just shave it off with a razor."

Nick...  "I tried that first but it wouldn't get up under it."

Scott...  "Oh okay..."  (Translation... "Sure Nick, that makes total sense.")

I thought when the movie Rambo came out years ago that it was a bit far fetched...  Not so much anymore...  Nick has said that when he gets older he might just live in a tent in the woods and catch his own food (or eat tree bark!)  

He was thrilled when we came home from our anniversary weekend and (as a joke) brought him bacon and cheese flavored crickets!

So regarding the age old question, 'nurture or nature?'   This one definitely goes to nature...  I can assure you, I did NOTHING to nurture these Grizzly Adam's characteristics (and other than an occasional...  and I mean RARE... camping trip, neither did his dad)!

Kids...  they keep life interesting!!

Mystery Meal Fun!

I'm having a hard time believing it but our sweet Mackenzie turned 13 this week...  WOW...  Where did the years go?

We have a tradition about birthday parties in our family...  The first time they get to have a big friend's birthday party is when they turn 10 (family/best friends only before that...)...  Then again at 13 and 18...  For their 16th birthday, they get a weekend trip to the BMW driving school (we don't have a BMW but it's an AWESOME driving school where you learn to drive in all kinds of conditions)...

So this was a big birthday party for Mackenzie and she chose to have a Mystery Meal...  In case you don't know, with a Mystery Meal you choose 10+ items and you name them, even the utensils...

So our menu went like this...

Fork - A Miniature Farm Appliance
Spoon - A Shapely Shovel
Knife - Ripper's Delight
Lemonade - Golden Sweet & Sour
Cheese/Sausage Balls (appetizer) - Porky Mouses Favorite Toy
Salad - Peter Rabbit's Downfall
Rotini Spaghetti (she likes spaghetti made with rotini) - Spirals of Love
Texas Toast - Cheers for Southern Stinky Breath
Filo Pastry filled with Chocolate Kisses - Snuggled Smooches
Ice Cream - A Screaming Matter
Conversation Hearts - Heartfelt Love Notes

The girls were given a menu with only the made up names (each item was numbered) and they had to choose which items they wanted in which course (We had 3 courses)...

For example, one girl ended up with Rotini spaghetti, ice cream, lemonade and a fork...  Some of the girls didn't choose a utensil for their first course.  I had put chop sticks on the table as an option, but some gave up and used their fingers...  It was quite funny!

Mackenzie ended up with her dessert in her first course, so we stopped everything and sang Happy Birthday to her!  It was fun watching the girls go from really uncomfortable and unsure about how to eat without utensils to playing the game all out...  Ice Cream with fingers...  Cheese/Sausage Balls on a chopstick...  Civilized conventions went out the door...  They even started telling us they didn't want their utensils!!

And if you will indulge me for a minute, I'm going to be a proud mom...  But for her 13th Birthday party she asked me to print on her invitation that instead of birthday gifts, she would like for a donation to be made to Project Canaan at Heart For Africa...  (Looks like she has a trip to Africa in her future!  God has really grabbed her heart for children who are hungry!)

Here are a few photos from her Birthday night...  She prefers a homemade cake so we always get a little silly with the decorations...  Might not be as pretty as a store bought cake, but it sure tastes better and it's alot more fun! 

(I definitely need to get a real cake pan...  that cookie sheet looks AWFUL!!)

 

Happy Birthday Sweet Girl...  You are such an amazing blessing to our lives!!

SNOOOOOOOOW Fun!!

We had lots of snow in the south and even more fun!!

Mackenzie decided to see what would happen when she threw a cookie sheet full of snow into the air...

Abby's first snow angel...

Snow Tubing!

I LOVE this next series of photos...  That's Zack being squished on the bottom!

A few kids fall off...

More fall off...

Children scattered down the hill...

Now Zack's just cruisin'!

Brothers!

Mackenzie getting ready for a ride down the hill...

But she gets a BIG surprise when her closest friend decides to hitchhike a ride too!

Love the laughter!

I love when Scott wears this hat!!

Zack's about to get a lesson in whose boss!  (A fun lesson!)

Yeah... I can still take him!

But even with snow in his eyebrows and ears, he keeps coming back for more!  

It was a FUN, FUN day!!

Love, Laughter and Hugs!

I have to admit, I was kind of dreading this Christmas...  You might remember, on Thanksgiving Day, my grandmother went home to Jesus.  As Christmas approached, I realized that in 45 years, I can only think of 1, maybe 2, Christmases that I didn't spend with her!  As a child she would often tuck me in with the warning that Santa didn't stop by houses where the children weren't asleep...  I wonder if she ever knew how much harder it was to go to sleep after that?  LOL!!

When we built our house 7 1/2  years ago, I spent an entire year and a half praying (more like pleading and begging) for just one more Christmas with her (she was in her 90's by then).  I just wanted to have memories of my grandmother in our new house...  I wanted to see her make biscuits in our kitchen, I wanted to see her oohh and ahhhh over her Christmas presents in our family room...  And God was so gracious, He gave us 6 more Christmases with her and lots of laughter and memories...

Abby's first Christmas with us...

So, as you can probably understand, I just wasn't sure how this first Christmas would be without her...  But while there were some REALLY sad moments, it was a Christmas full of love, laughter and hugs...  Here some highlights...

Chillin' on Christmas Morning

(That's my mom...  She doesn't do "chillin'"...  That's what a servant's heart looks like from the outside!)

That's me opening one of my Christmas ornaments from the kids (every year each one gives me a Christmas ornament so I have a REALLY cool collection of ornaments from over the years!  And I get my own tree to put them on...This is one of my favorite Christmas traditions!)

After Christmas we went to visit Scott's family...  LOTS of cousins!!

Riding go-carts!

Next we went to my dad's house, but unfortunately I don't have any photos...  My stepmom was sick, so it wasn't the usual visit...

Then we made an extra trip to visit the rest of my family...  And our newest 'China' cousin!!

Nooooo...  Our sons aren't competitive...  Push-ups with children on their backs!

Out to dinner for New Year's Eve!

So there were so many AWESOME moments from Christmas, but there's one that is extra special from this year...  If you've followed my blog for very long, you know that the first year with Abby was kind of hard.  She let me care for her most basic needs, but that was about it...  She didn't want hugs and she didn't want me holding her...   

On New Year's Eve, as we were leaving for dinner, I went out on the back porch and yelled to our children that we were leaving...  Abby stopped what she was doing and came running to the porch, she ran right up the stairs and gave me a BIG hug!!  

I LOVE this picture!!  Happy New Year from our family to yours!